SELF-ESTEEM --- A PROVEN PROGRAM OF COGNITIVE TECHNIQUES
FOR ASSESSING, IMPROVING, AND MAINTAINING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning. MJF/Harbinger Publications, 3rd edition, 2000
    1) THE NATURE OF SELF-ESTEEM (p1-14)

      [1] Causes and effects (p2-3)

      [2] How to use this book (p3-5)

      [3] For the therapist (p5-14)

        (1) An issue of diagnosis --- there are two basic causes of self-esteem problems (p6)

          1. Situational low self-esteem (environmentally oriented: poor parenting practices for kids or post-traumatic-shock-syndrome for adults) shows up in specific situational trends of the past and is ideally suited for cognitive restructuring techniques. (p6)

          Since the victim is not rejecting himself or herself globally, changing maladaptive thinking patterns can significantly increase a sense of self-confidence and self-worth.

          The focus is on confronting cognitive distortions, emphasizing strengths over weaknesses, and developing specific skills for handling mistakes and criticism.

          2. Characterological low self-esteem (values oriented) usually starts in childhood experience of abuse (neglect, physical punishment, sexual molestation) or abandonment by parents or caretakers. (p6)

          Since characterological low self-esteem is due to a basic identity statement --- a feeling of being bad --- changing a victim's thoughts is not enough.

          The main therapeutic emphasis must be on changing the negative identity that gave rise to the negative thoughts in the first place.

          The focus is on developing self-compassion and a commitment to non-judgmental support. Visualization and hypnotic techniques can reinforce the emphasis of identifying and controlling the internal critical voice (the feeling of being bad) that causes the low self-esteem.

        (2) Cognitive restructuring for self-esteem (p7-14)

          1. Identifying distortions (p9-12)

          2. Refuting the critic (p12)

          3. Thought stopping (p12)

          4. Identifying strengths (p12-13)

          5. Self-acceptance (p13)

          6. Special focus problems (p14)

          7. Reinforcing the healthy voice (p14)

            A. Teach coping statements

            B. Hypnosis

            C. Visualization

            D. Anchoring

    2) THE PATHOLOGICAL CRITIQUE (p15-32)

      [1] An arsenal of shoulds (p17-18)

      [2] The origin of the critic (p18-20)

      [3] Why you listen to the critic (p20-21)

      [4] The role of reinforcement (p21-24)

      [5] How the critic gets reinforced (p24-28)

        (1) Positive reinforcement for the critic (p24-26)

          1. The need to do right

          2. The need to feel right

            (1) Self-worth

            (2) Feeling accepted by critical parents

          3. The need to achieve

        (2) Negative reinforcement for the critic -- The need to control painful feelings or memories (p26-28)

          1. Feeling not-ok or bad or valueless (p26)

          2. Fear of failure (p26-27)

          3. Fear of rejection (p27)

          4. Anger (p27)

          5. Guilt (p27-28)

          6. Frustration (28)

          2. You must learn how your "self-attacks" get reinforced and how to identify the function of your "critic's" self-attacks, both how they help and how they hurt you

      [6] Catching your critic (p28-31)

        Every conscious moment of your life, you are engaging in an inner monologue. You are interpreting experience, problem solving, speculating about the future, reviewing past events. Most of this continuous "self-talk" is helpful --- or at worst innocuous, that is, time consuming but not particularly harmful at the moment. (p28)

        But somewhere hidden in the monologue are your critic's indictments. To gain control of your negative "critic," which is an aspect of your "self-control," you have to first be able to hear that voice in your mind. Catching the critic in the act of putting you down (criticizing you or your goals) requires a special vigilance. (p28)

        You have to keep listening in on the "intercom" of your inner monologue to yourself. You have to notice when your critic says anything negative about your self or your behavior. Catching the critic will take a genuine commitment on your part. You will need to be especially aware of your inner monologue in problematic situations. (p28-29)

    3) DISARMING THE CRITIQUE (p33-44)

      [1] Unmasking the critic's purpose (p34-35)

      [2] Talking back (p35-38)

        1. The "Howitzer" or canon mantras (p36)

        2. Asking the price (36-37)

        3. Affirmation of worth (37-38)

        This is the most difficult method to learn, especially if you have been trained to believe that there is something wrong with you. The first two methods of disarming your self-critic cannot permanently stop the negative voices in your long-term memory from harming you.

        At this point in your understanding, you probably believe that your worth depends upon your behavior. Metaphorically you may see your self as an empty bottle that must be filled drop by drop with your achievements. You feel that you are essentially essentially worthless, just a body that walks and talks but feels empty inside. Your self-critic is associated with the belief that there is no instrinsic value in your life, but only the potential for doing something worthwhile or important.

        The TRUTH is that your value is your consciousness! And your consciousness is your ability to perceive and experience your self and others and the world around you.

        The value of human life is that it exists! (You don't need an Intelligent Designer to save you from your own negative feelings about yourself caused by growing up in a hostile environment.)

        (The value of your life is that you exist! Your life justifies itself. This is a scientific factual idea that you can be aware of every day that you think about it in the context of your total knowledge, and especially your brainpower knowledge.)

        You are a person who is trying to live, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person who is doing the very same thing. Achievement has nothing to do with it. Whatever you do, whatever you contribute to society (your culture) should come not from the need to prove your value, but from the natural flow of your aliveness. What you do should come from your drive to fully live life, rather than from the fight to justify yourself!

        Your humanness is your absolute worth. You can use positive affirmations to destroy the voices of your negative self-critic which are stored in your brain's long-term memory resources.

      [3] Making your critic useless (p39-42)

        (1) The need to do right (p39)

        (2) The need to feel right (p39)

        3) The need to achieve (p39-40)

        4) The need to control negative feelings (p40-42)

          1. Feeling not OK or bad or valueless (p40)

          2. Fear of failure (p40-41)

          3. Fear of rejection (p41)

          4. Anger (p41)

          5. Guilt (p41-42)

          6. Frustration (p42)

      [4] Summary chart --- of your self-critic's associated negative feelings (p42-43)

        This summary chart indicates which chapters in the book relate to your self-critic's needs.

    4) ACCURATE SELF-ASSESSMENT (p45-60)

      [1] Self-Concept Inventory (p)

      [2] Listing your weaknesses (p)

      [3] Listing your strengths (p)

      [4] A new self-description (p)

      [5] Celebrate your strengths (p)

    5)COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS (p61-87)

      [1] The distortions (p)

      [2] Combating distortions (p)

    6) COMPASSION (p89-106)

    7) THE "SHOULDS" (p107-132)

    8) HANDLING MISTAKES (p133-146)

    9) RESPONDING TO CRITICISM (p147-172)

    10) ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT (p173-186)

    11) GOAL SETTING AND PLANNING (p187-208)

    12) VISUALIZATION (p209-230)

    13) HYPNOSIS FOR SELF-ACCEPTANCE (p231-246)

    14) I'M STILL NOT OK (p247-264)

    15) CORE BELIEFS (p265-278)

    16) BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM IN CHILDREN (p279-314)

    AUTHOR'S OTHER BOOKS (p271-304)
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